I have had a fair amount of Ethiopian, Eritrean and Somalian friends since university (a long time ago for younger forum participants haha). From what I have observed, the Horn cultures are somewhat of a hybrid, exhibiting characteristics found in sub-Saharan African and Arab cultures. I’m sure this as due to both geography and history. Polygamy is practiced among some ethnic groups, and among others no. They are both open to friendships and often (but not always) closed to exogamy. Parents and extended family often (again, not always) play a role in mate selection, even among those born/raised in the US.
Without knowing your friend, it is impossible to say with any certainty, but he could be being truthful or he could have realized late that you were interested in more and pulled back. Also, because Western views on individual rights and sexuality are so different, many people from these cultures believe westerners go through sexual partners like they go through socks and think their time in the west will allow them to have fun before settling down and returning to the fold. He may view mate selection as a far more serious matter and might have never considered the possibility of a non-Ethiopian spouse. That being said, he may not have viewed his actions as hurtful or harmful at all, and assumed this was simply par for the course. He may have only intended friendship, but friendships in those cultures are far more intimate and close than what is common among contemporary western cultures, appearing as if romantic / sexual intimacy was his goal. Nevertheless, his service in the military should have given him some greater familiarity with US mass culture.
Obviously, only you can truly know what was felt by the two of you and the context in which it happened. I just would chalk it up to experience and know that life is long and you will meet many people throughout the course of yours. Love will happen.
Yes, it is looking like that, that is the thing, when I first saw him in my class back in the day, he appeared American, and even sounded American, and he wore things affiliated with the Marines, so it did not occur to me he was foreign. Now had I known or if he had worn something, or had a thick accent, or something to indicate he was foreign, I would have known he was foreign, and I probably would not have tried to talk to him.
I read some stuff online about Ethiopians, about a woman who was puzzled and had a crush on a guy, and on another that some of those guys are womanizers, and flirt with other women.
I see now that some view friendships differently, but it still sounds a little dodgy, like it is set up for men to have their cake and eat it too. The whole sexual socks thing, yeah, to me that is a little hypocritical, they might appear moral and religious, and I have read about that of some of the men in cultures like that, where there is a duality; western women are the whores, and their women, of which many are subordinate, are the madonnas, so they move between them both, not treating them fairly. I also read that in many traditionalist cultures, women lack much equality, while the men can play around.
Culture aside, for the most part some of those attitudes described, come from male dominated cultures, where women do not occupy equality, or are not viewed as equal, and if that is the case with this guy, as we both can only guess now, then perhaps I am better off not knowing him, and his puling away was a blessing in disguise. If I get involved with any guy, black, white, blue whatever, he needs to be able to see women as full humans, not just in terms of a duality of good and bad. Side notes, he needs to know what a clitoris and g spot is
, and where; meaning he has had a decent modern sex education.
Also some African nations and the horn have among the worst records for human rights, and women's rights, especially genital mutilation, arranged marriages, and lack of equal access to reproductive autonomy and education, so I think things can get a little murky, when "culture" is mentioned, how far does that go? I can only buy the whole culture thing so much.
I agree, he has been in the US for a while, so it is not like he is fresh off the boat, and innocently just charms women, I think he knows what he is doing, and like it is said, he should have known some of western culture by now, it is basic respect for the land you are in, just as it would be expected of an American in Africa.
I guess I met him when he was done with his western women whore phase and was ready to settle down with his madonna phase.
There is or seems to be a general lack of seeing women as full humans in many traditionalist cultures, and where western women are seen as easy, well, that reflects their ignorance, and lack of understanding that not all of us are the same.
We are not just toys for their taking, where they can !@@#$ all over the place, hurt people, then go back home. The US is a beautiful place, not a foreign dumping grounds, place, we have our problems like other nations. When they are in the US, they should learn and understand our culture, just as it is expected of us about theirs. I cannot get on board with or abide by the idea that they see us as changing socks and judge westerners for this, and then hypocritically come to the US for "fun" and then treat the women here like socks as well, since they may consider western women not good enough, until they go home to their countries.
I know that sounds all crazy and bitter, but when guys from religious countries, or profess conservatism, culture and religion, and then look down on other people not like them, and see them as dispensable for "fun" in another country is not worthy of respect either, in my eyes. I have read and found that they do not have good and positive or respectful attitudes towards women, especially western women.
I like to think I am at least somewhat "woke" but it only goes so far, in turn, I expect my foreign guy or different guy to respect and take an interest in my culture as well.
