Maintaining Blackness

The Dark King said:
Lmao hold the fuck on Yonkers is nice. You're definitely from the boroughs. North Yonkers is decent but South Yonkers where DMX and the Lox are from is straight hood. They are trying to gentrify it now but the goons won't leave. They just hired a new police force starting them at 72k a year to clean that shit up. If you have some extra money now is the time to buy before it blows up
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Agreed. South Yonkers was indeed da hood (which borders the Bronx), but the other parts are much nicer than most Bronx neighborhoods.. The young lady was talking about going to Bay Plaza in Co-Op City (Bronx), and that place is straight ghettofab. I decided on going up Central Ave, actually more like Scarsdale as she was craving cheese biscuits from Red Lobster:-).
 
Madeleine said:
LOL, you need bw repellent? Are they harassing you?:)
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You making fun of me? Lol.
The Dark King said:
Lol go to school for something nerdy that isn't glamorized on tv. (Partners at CPA firms earn just as much as those at Law firms lol) Dress like you shop at LL Bean and do shit like white water rafting it keeps them far at bay unless you look like the Rock or you're white lol

Or Join a book club. Black women won't say one word to me outside of group yet the white woman (Jewish ones in particular) cling to me like I'm a life raft.
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Lol. I don't really get the book club thing, that's truly for nerds. I only read for knowledge or world events. The last book I read for entertainment was one by Bernie Mack about 9 years ago lol. The last three books I read outside of school was about astronomy. A few months back.
Madeleine said:
Oh yeah, book club, the hottest thing ever. I’d be so clinging to you. LLBean? No thanks. But better than gangsta style anyway:)
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Lmao
 
DudeNY12 said:
Agreed. South Yonkers was indeed da hood (which borders the Bronx), but the other parts are much nicer than most Bronx neighborhoods.. The young lady was talking about going to Bay Plaza in Co-Op City (Bronx), and that place is straight ghettofab. I decided on going up Central Ave, actually more like Scarsdale as she was craving cheese biscuits from Red Lobster:).
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Lol I use to go to the Starbucks next door all the time. Small ass world. Yeah that's Scarsdale and even a mile south is technically Yonkers but really edgemont and Scarsdale adjacent lol. Co-op city is interesting some buildings are straight hood and then others are filled with upper middle class city workers
 
The Dark King said:
Tired of what exactly?
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She said she meant that they were tired of not being first choice of black men, when black men are their first choice. As a regular guy, I've never been "first choice" of anyone, and don't get bent out of shape about it, so I really didn't understand the insistence. I asked her why the women she referenced were restricting themselves only to black men and she didn't go on further, so we never got to the bottom of the discussion. It just didn't make sense to me.

DudeNY12 said:
Some years ago I had this conversation with a close friend who is actually an old friend from high school, and we dated during our twentysomething years. Her explanation to me was that BW feel like they're losing out all around because... So many BM are doing nothing for themselves and/or in jail, and then they have to share the remaining desirable BM with all other women. To her credit she does see where many BW (especially those growing up in our inner city neighborhood) simply had a bad set of priorities, and were often passing over the good guys. She's also of the mindset regarding IR that basically everyone should be able to follow their heart without getting drama and such.

I will admit that I've also seen some BM get up in their feelings about BW who are with WM. A good example of a well-known person is Serena William' case.

Yup, yup! Always takes me back to the BW I know who get seriously mad at BM who reach celebrity status, and are with WW.
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I heard a black man say something about Serena and I disagreed with him and boosted her right to do whatever the heck she wants. He kept using the "our women" rhetoric, as if women are some sort of natural resource endowment that nations go to war over. Smdh
 
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orejon4 said:
She said she meant that they were tired of not being first choice of black men, when black men are their first choice. As a regular guy, I've never been "first choice" of anyone, and don't get bent out of shape about it, so I really didn't understand the insistence. I asked her why the women she referenced were restricting themselves only to black men and she didn't go on further, so we never got to the bottom of the discussion. It just didn't make sense to me.
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First off the black men are usually their "first choice" because they know its their best chance at coupling in this country where they don't hold as much social value. Not to say there aren't tons of beautiful black women but the social narrative puts them at the bottom in comparison to non bw. Completely unfair but that's the reality. When they do have the chance to date non bm they usually have no problem with it in fact according to dating data bw are the most inviting and open online. Honestly it's not because they want us and we don't seem to want them (dating stats have us dating within our race at 86%) it's more about them feeling like they can't compete with non bw mainly ww in the desirability department. In my experience every other group of women don't hold out for the creame of the crop like bw do, they usually find suitable mates who are family orientated and loyal, I don't see Asian or White female professionals dating "bad boy" types in their 30s the way I see a lot of bw doing. If a lot more bw could be totally honest with themselves they would admit they look over a lot of decent men in search of a fantasy and a lot if not most are not willing to put in the work to be desirable.
 
The Dark King said:
First off the black men are usually their "first choice" because they know its their best chance at coupling in this country where they don't hold as much social value. Not to say there aren't tons of beautiful black women but the social narrative puts them at the bottom in comparison to non bw. Completely unfair but that's the reality. When they do have the chance to date non bm they usually have no problem with it in fact according to dating data bw are the most inviting and open online. Honestly it's not because they want us and we don't seem to want them (dating stats have us dating within our race at 86%) it's more about them feeling like they can't compete with non bw mainly ww in the desirability department. In my experience every other group of women don't hold out for the creame of the crop like bw do, they usually find suitable mates who are family orientated and loyal, I don't see Asian or White female professionals dating "bad boy" types in their 30s the way I see a lot of bw doing. If a lot more bw could be totally honest with themselves they would admit they look over a lot of decent men in search of a fantasy and a lot if not most are not willing to put in the work to be desirable.
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Good points. I think that people who are open and not judgmental can have better chances dating people in general, regardless of race. A big part of why I have not dated many African-American women is because I don't like feeling abnormal. Minority groups can be terribly norm-enforcing in the US, and the idea of a relationship with someone who is constantly pointing out my failure to measure up on the Blair Underwood Soul Brother Blackness scale kind of sucks. I have noticed that non-US-born black people don't have nearly as many preconceived notions about what a person must do to qualify as "authentically black". I probably would have dated many more African-American women if I wasn't being upbraided about my lack of church attendance, godliness, soul, etc. It just gets old. The black women I have been involved with (one of whom was among my four great loves) were either counter-culture, biracial, etc, and as such weren't nearly as limiting in their notions of authenticity and it was liberating and refreshing.
 
orejon4 said:
Good points. I think that people who are open and not judgmental can have better chances dating people in general, regardless of race. A big part of why I have not dated many African-American women is because I don't like feeling abnormal. Minority groups can be terribly norm-enforcing in the US, and the idea of a relationship with someone who is constantly pointing out my failure to measure up on the Blair Underwood Soul Brother Blackness scale kind of sucks. I have noticed that non-US-born black people don't have nearly as many preconceived notions about what a person must do to qualify as "authentically black". I probably would have dated many more African-American women if I wasn't being upbraided about my lack of church attendance, godliness, soul, etc. It just gets old. The black women I have been involved with (one of whom was among my four great loves) were either counter-culture, biracial, etc, and as such weren't nearly as limiting in their notions of authenticity and it was liberating and refreshing.
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That's one thing I have to give white women overall is that so many have the ability to let you just be. It definitely isn't always perfect but the ability to just be yourself without consequence makes for a much happier relationship. I get that bw face a lot of challenges but I often think they forget so do we. The one thing I will say I envy about wm is their ability to literally be anything and anyone it be ok. The exist outside of binaries and are rarely held to anyone's standard but their own.
 
The Dark King said:
Lol I use to go to the Starbucks next door all the time. Small ass world. Yeah that's Scarsdale and even a mile south is technically Yonkers but really edgemont and Scarsdale adjacent lol. Co-op city is interesting some buildings are straight hood and then others are filled with upper middle class city workers
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Yup! Small world, indeed. Yeah, Co-Op City in terms of the buildings... Section 5 is the area to avoid:-). The nearby Bay Plaza shopping center is cool, and definitely good for the Bronx, but make no mistake... That movie theatre, and the restaurants can be ghetto as hell. Before I left NYC, I lived in the north Bronx near Mosholu Pkway and Grand Concourse which was still OK. After growing up near West Farms Sq and Tremont sections of the Bronx... This was actually a step up:-). Once I bought a car... Whatever I was doing whether it was food shopping, movies, restaurant... I was usually going up Central Ave or even to White Plains. In fact I was set to move to White Plains when I was offered a job in DC and decided to leave NY. At that point the only thing I was doing in the Bronx was sleeping, visiting my Mom and going to my favorite pizzeria (I still go there today).
 
The Dark King said:
First off the black men are usually their "first choice" because they know its their best chance at coupling in this country where they don't hold as much social value. Not to say there aren't tons of beautiful black women but the social narrative puts them at the bottom in comparison to non bw. Completely unfair but that's the reality. When they do have the chance to date non bm they usually have no problem with it in fact according to dating data bw are the most inviting and open online. Honestly it's not because they want us and we don't seem to want them (dating stats have us dating within our race at 86%) it's more about them feeling like they can't compete with non bw mainly ww in the desirability department. In my experience every other group of women don't hold out for the creame of the crop like bw do, they usually find suitable mates who are family orientated and loyal, I don't see Asian or White female professionals dating "bad boy" types in their 30s the way I see a lot of bw doing. If a lot more bw could be totally honest with themselves they would admit they look over a lot of decent men in search of a fantasy and a lot if not most are not willing to put in the work to be desirable.
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Truth! When I started dating again following my separation/eventual divorce... It was BW, WW, BW, Hawaiian, WW. I didn't choose that order... it's simply how it happened, and I ended up with the second WW as we were the most compatible of that group. The crazy thing is that I've heard drama from an ex (BW) because I was dating a light-skinned BW with long hair.
 
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