Cheaters

[The Dark King]

Poor victim mentality.

I think thats all bs - I see every cheater as just that, a cheater - man or woman.
Im glad I have friends who look at it the same way - You cant blame your own action on someone elses doings - or not doings.
I doesnt matter how dispicable your partner is, your still need to own your own actions.
Nobody made you cheat.

Like someone elese said, once cheating starts - there is a multitude of issues underlying the cheating action - that has to be adressed, either by action or leaving altogether.

Cheating does not solve anything and I honestly find it spineless - man or woman.

And that's why we get along so well FG. You have a great value system.

 

[The Dark King]

I tend to agree. It's ultimately their choice and nothing you say/do will make any difference to that person. If they're gonna cheat, they'll just find someone else to do it with. It's not like you saying no is gonna save their marriage.

But I suppose that's still just rationalisation for our own hedonistic desires. :smt096

I've never cheated and can't imagine I ever would. I couldn't bring myself to do it. But I don't judge those who do, people cheat for a variety of reasons and I don't think it's always because they have stopped loving/respecting their partners.

I'm still also a firm believer that emotional affairs are far worse than physical ones. If my husband wanted to sleep with another person, I would much rather he just share his desires with me and request to do so. But if he was connecting emotionally with another woman and keeping it a secret.. wow, that would hurt.

Wow I'm seriously floored at how many women here are ok with participating in breaking up a family. Wow I guess that whole do on to others thing is lost on this generation. Pretty much the bulk of humanities problems right there.

 

[whikle]

Wow I'm seriously floored at how many women here are ok with participating in breaking up a family. Wow I guess that whole do on to others thing is lost on this generation. Pretty much the bulk of humanities problems right there.

Hmmm, only women? I believe some men have expressed similar sentiments, yet you're just down on the women.

 

[FRESH]

I tend to agree. It's ultimately their choice and nothing you say/do will make any difference to that person. If they're gonna cheat, they'll just find someone else to do it with. It's not like you saying no is gonna save their marriage.

But I suppose that's still just rationalisation for our own hedonistic desires. :smt096

I've never cheated and can't imagine I ever would. I couldn't bring myself to do it. But I don't judge those who do, people cheat for a variety of reasons and I don't think it's always because they have stopped loving/respecting their partners.

I'm still also a firm believer that emotional affairs are far worse than physical ones. If my husband wanted to sleep with another person, I would much rather he just share his desires with me and request to do so. But if he was connecting emotionally with another woman and keeping it a secret.. wow, that would hurt.

side note: I believe this is why some women don't want their man/spouse/whatever to have another woman as their friend. They can't handle sharing a connection. You confide in friends a lot like you would a lover, & woman definitely doesn't want to feel second on the totem poll to any other at any time.

 

[FRESH]

Wow I'm seriously floored at how many women here are ok with participating in breaking up a family. Wow I guess that whole do on to others thing is lost on this generation. Pretty much the bulk of humanities problems right there.

They are not the same acts. Just because I'll fuck a chick that's married, doesn't mean I would step out on my wife. (again, those are two very different things)

 

[whikle]

[/B]
side note: I believe this is why some women don't want their man/spouse/whatever to have another woman as their friend. They can't handle sharing a connection. You confide in friends a lot like you would a lover, & woman definitely doesn't want to feel second on the totem poll to any other at any time.

My man having female friends wouldn't bother me, but yeah, if they shared some intimate connection I would be bothered by that.

 

[whikle]

They are not the same acts. Just because I'll fuck a chick that's married, doesn't mean I would step out on my wife. (again, those are two very different things)

I agree, but Andrae is suggesting that participating in the "crime" equates to committing the crime. I see where he's coming from. But as it goes with most controversial topics, Andrae and I don't see eye to eye

 

[The Dark King]

My man having female friends wouldn't bother me, but yeah, if they shared some intimate connection I would be bothered by that.

Isn't friendship all about sharing intimate connections? And the reason I was shocked by the women I guess is because I always thought women were more empathetic and were more sensative to other people.
And participating in a crime and committing a crime are the same thing. The get away driver usually gets the same sentence as the dude robbing the bank.

I guess the cheating thing is just another example of our its all about me culture that promotes momentary gratification despite who it might hurt or damage. It amazes me how people opt to do a messed up thing to another when they don't have to. I'm not a prude by any nature but there are so many single people out there to bust a nut with I don't get why mess with someones spouse. Even on a totally selfish level why risk some jaded wife or husband coming to your house to settle the problem.

 

[Espy]

Ladies, please clarify. If you are in a relationship with a man who is cheating, does it or does it not make you a cheater as well? Or are you saying if one party is ignorant of the fact the other is married, they are not guilty of cheating?

I dated a married man once, I did not know he was married, at the point I found out I ended it. He didn't tell me he was married because he was in an open marriage and therefore to him it just wasn't an issue, he assumed it wouldn't be an issue for me either as long as I knew his wife was okay with it. She in fact was perfectly fine with it, she told me so herself, however that still didn't work for me. I never had sex with him though, so it never rose to the level of cheating in my mind anyway. Though personally, if you don't know he's married, regardless of what you do he's cheating and you aren't IMO. If you don't have all the facts to make that decision, how are you party to the cheating?

 

[FRESH]

Isn't friendship all about sharing intimate connections? And the reason I was shocked by the women I guess is because I always thought women were more empathetic and were more sensative to other people.
And participating in a crime and committing a crime are the same thing. The get away driver usually gets the same sentence as the dude robbing the bank.

I guess the cheating thing is just another example of our its all about me culture that promotes momentary gratification despite who it might hurt or damage. It amazes me how people opt to do a messed up thing to another when they don't have to. I'm not a prude by any nature but there are so many single people out there to bust a nut with I don't get why mess with someones spouse. Even on a totally selfish level why risk some jaded wife or husband coming to your house to settle the problem.

.

I'm not selfish at all, everyone that knows me would say I'm pretty selfless. There's a big difference between the "me culture" you speak of & not worrying about the decisions a grown adult can make for themselves (weather good or bad).

 

[whikle]

I dated a married man once, I did not know he was married, at the point I found out I ended it. He didn't tell me he was married because he was in an open marriage and therefore to him it just wasn't an issue, he assumed it wouldn't be an issue for me either as long as I knew his wife was okay with it. She in fact was perfectly fine with it, she told me so herself, however that still didn't work for me. I never had sex with him though, so it never rose to the level of cheating in my mind anyway. Though personally, if you don't know he's married, regardless of what you do he's cheating and you aren't IMO. If you don't have all the facts to make that decision, how are you party to the cheating?

But if you do know, you're a "cheater" as well?

 

[whikle]

.

I'm not selfish at all, everyone that knows me would say I'm pretty selfless. There's a big difference between the "me culture" you speak of & not worrying about the decisions a grown adult can make for themselves (weather good or bad).

I was going to use you as an example, FRESH, to say that putting yourself in that situation doesn't make you an immoral person. Here's a guy who's honourable, intelligent, savvy, kind-hearted, sincere... and who's wise enough to know that people make their own choices and are responsible for their own actions! :smt023

 

[Espy]

But if you do know, you're a "cheater" as well?

For me personally Whikle, yes. I would feel tremendously guilty about that, but that's just me, I don't hold anyone else to my personal moral conviction. I felt really badly when I found out that the guy I was seeing was married, and I wasn't the deceptive one, but it still really bothered me to the point that I had to speak to his wife to apologize. There is just a line in my mind that I don't cross, and if he's married then he's off limits and I don't care how shitty his marriage is, how badly he feels his wife treats him, that she just doesn't get him, etc., he wants to screw someone else he needs to get a divorce first. Again that's just my personal perception. As I said before if it feels wrong to you, it's wrong for you and I think you should avoid doing it. Being on either side of an adulterous relationship would be worthy of sharing in the blame for me. I try very hard not to judge other people, but I personally have a hard time not taking a dim view of men and women who knowingly go after married people, that's just inappropriate to me. If a married person approaches you and you didn't pursue them, then that choice is on them, but for me were I to reciprocate those advances, that choice would be on me.

 

[whikle]

For me personally Whikle, yes. I would feel tremendously guilty about that, but that's just me, I don't hold anyone else to my personal moral conviction. I felt really badly when I found out that the guy I was seeing was married, and I wasn't the deceptive one, but it still really bothered me to the point that I had to speak to his wife to apologize. There is just a line in my mind that I don't cross, and if he's married then he's off limits and I don't care how shitty his marriage is, how badly he feels his wife treats him, that she just doesn't get him, etc., he wants to screw someone else he needs to get a divorce first. Again that's just my personal perception. As I said before if it feels wrong to you, it's wrong for you and I think you should avoid doing it. Being on either side of an adulterous relationship would be worthy of sharing in the blame for me. I try very hard not to judge other people, but I personally have a hard time not taking a dim view of men and women who knowingly go after married people, that's just inappropriate to me. If a married person approaches you and you didn't pursue them, then that choice is on them, but for me were I to reciprocate those advances, that choice would be on me.

That's fair enough.

I've never actively pursued a married person, for the record. Any choices a married person has made in regards to me has come completely of their own accord! Do I think that makes me an innocent party? No. But do I think that makes me a bad person? Not in my opinion. I'm still comfortable with who I am.

 

[FRESH]

That's fair enough.

I've never actively pursued a married person, for the record. Any choices a married person has made in regards to me has come completely of their own accord! Do I think that makes me an innocent party? No. But do I think that makes me a bad person? Not in my opinion. I'm still comfortable with who I am.

Co-sign. More than likely I'm not going after a girl with a ring on it.

I have to spread some, but you are too kind sweetie. Much respect.

 

[Espy]

That's fair enough.

I've never actively pursued a married person, for the record. Any choices a married person has made in regards to me has come completely of their own accord! Do I think that makes me an innocent party? No. But do I think that makes me a bad person? Not in my opinion. I'm still comfortable with who I am.

I think that's what matters Whikle. Decide what you are, and are not, willing to do, then stick to it. I personally try very hard never to do anything that I know going in feels wrong because I will just beat myself up for entirely too long afterwards. I'm extremely hard on myself, so it's just not worth incurring my own wrath over anything. But as I said I do know that the standards I hold myself to are nearly impossible to meet, and they're my standards, they apply to me alone and no one else should be held to them. Everyone has to come up with those on their own, what fits me won't fit you and vice versa. Bottomline, if I'm in the equation, I do my level best to behave in a way to ensure the outcome is something I can live with and not be ashamed to have participated in...if I'm not in the equation, it's not my place to make a judgment on anything, I just try to empathize and support the people who matter to me.

 

[The Dark King]

.

I'm not selfish at all, everyone that knows me would say I'm pretty selfless. There's a big difference between the "me culture" you speak of & not worrying about the decisions a grown adult can make for themselves (weather good or bad).

I guess we have to agree to disagre fam. Just don't let me catch you with my woman lol

 

[goodlove]

women get sympahty when they cheat? Thats news to me, never heard that one.

oh yeah I see it all the time...For example I was watching Oprah and she was interviewing 2 couples within them a cheater. one couple a man and the other a woman. the first interview was the woman and she stated she cheated because of lack of attention and everyone , inlcuding oprah, should her compassion. the guy was next and they dogged him...then a guy stood up and pointed out the difference to oprah and her jaw dropped and she could not but agree.

also just as espy stated earlier she said the same thang women get a pass because the media would pull the " I dont get attention card" and it would be the mans fault.

I seen alot of bro's breaking their neck for a happy home and the woman still cheats. so when it comes for the truth they make up some other shit to blame the dude....

read these 2 articles/blog
http://www.womensinfidelity.com/

http://www.askmen.com/top_10/dating_150/181_dating_list.html

women are just as skany and low down as men. do not believe women love committed relationships and want a good man. it is not true

 

[FG]

I didn't consider myseldf a cheater because I didn't cheat on anyone. The one who cheats is the one who has a relationship. If I'm single and free, I have nobody ro respond to for my actions.

If your knowingly get together w someone who is in a relationship. You are also a cheater in my book.
I do love you though, just saying.

 

[FG]

oh yeah I see it all the time...For example I was watching Oprah and she was interviewing 2 couples within them a cheater. one couple a man and the other a woman. the first interview was the woman and she stated she cheated because of lack of attention and everyone , inlcuding oprah, should her compassion. the guy was next and they dogged him...then a guy stood up and pointed out the difference to oprah and her jaw dropped and she could not but agree.

also just as espy stated earlier she said the same thang women get a pass because the media would pull the " I dont get attention card" and it would be the mans fault.

I seen alot of bro's breaking their neck for a happy home and the woman still cheats. so when it comes for the truth they make up some other shit to blame the dude....

read these 2 articles/blog
http://www.womensinfidelity.com/



http://www.askmen.com/top_10/dating_150/181_dating_list.html

women are just as skany and low down as men. do not believe women love committed relationships and want a good man. it is not true

I think that is an opinion, but not the norm, I thnki most people think women and men equally have to own their cheating. I just v=never heard of anyone thinking women deserve a pass for their cheating.

In just dont see it, never heard that sentiment, ever, anywhere.
Thats just me. And I wont bother reading about crap like that. Its so stupid.

As I said, victim mentality. I repeat myself, nobody makes you cheat, its your own decission and it can not be blamed on lack of attention bla bla. Ever.