Cheaters

[Sir Nose]

YES

I think most would feel that way.

 

[The Dark King]

Hang on... Aren't you one who believes that it's natural for men to cheat? I always got the impression that you don't believe cheating is totally immoral... but now you're questioning the morality of the "other" person?

I agree that it's immoral for a person to deliberately set out to break up a marriage, but when it comes to cheating it still remains largely (if not solely) the married person's prerogative and therefore responsibility lies with them. The "other woman" doesn't "mess up someone's family", the married person does that.

Edit: I do believe the "other person" is not entirely innocent, no matter what the situation. But still, they're not the one who's breaking vows.

I've always said I think wanting to be with multiple women is natural and I'm still trying to see how fidelity works out in favor of a man but that's another topic all together.
Cheating is dishonest and cowardly not to mention selfish in the worst way. When you do shit like that you not hurt someone you supposedly love but you take away their ability to trust someone else later in life. And to me its not only immoral that's someone knowingly messes with a married person but its down right criminal. If a person kills another the get away driver is just as responsible to me because they helped make the crime possible. So to me the person the married person is cheating with not only makes it possible for the scumbag to cheat but it also helps the scumbag become more of a scumbag.
This is only applies if the other person knows that they're messing with a married person.

 

[Espy]

So, did you apply that committment and honesty and inform the wife that her husband had a long term affair that you knew about? Or did you keep it to yourself? If you were the woman who was being cheated on, would you want to be told?

When I spoke of commitment, I did so as it applies to a relationship between two people. I had no commitment to either of those parties, as I was not involved with them in a relationship. However, the wife was made aware and she chose to look the other way. As long as he remained married to her, she didn't care if he had a long-term affair with 20 different women. I will say that I would not typically interject myself into someone else's affairs though. If I were closely acquainted with one or both of the parties involved, then I would most likely tell the person being cheated on, because I think they should know if the person they're sleeping with is sleeping with one or more other persons. There would be very few exceptions to this, for instance a few months before my sister-in-law died, her husband started seeing someone else and in fact started planning to marry the other woman. As she was terminal, and believed him to be completely devoted to her, I saw no reason to shatter that illusion. It would have served only to hurt her and make her last few remaining months more miserable than they already were. He however got an earful.

I have been cheated on, and although I figured that out on my own, a friend attempted to tell me about it as soon as she found out. I was appreciative of her efforts to make sure I knew what he was doing. Of course I would want to know. If you believe yourself to be in a monogamous relationship, it's appropriate to know when that's no longer the case for many reasons. I'm not saying I think monogamy is the only way to go, but if that's not what someone wants, they need to be upfront about that. If they aren't then I'm going to view that as cheating, and I'd always want to know if I were being cheated on.

 

[JordanC]

Espy I wonder how many women would have the courage to tell their friend as yours did? I wonder how many would keep quiet and say well she knows.

 

[Espy]

Espy I wonder how many women would have the courage to tell their friend as yours did? I wonder how many would keep quiet and say well she knows.

I think it depends on the level of friendship Jordan. Casual friends, or people who act like friends but really aren't vested in the friendship would likely keep quiet. My true friends run fiercely loyal, and my family is crazy loyal, so I actually heard about that from more than one source before it was all over and done with. They all knew that I'd want to know, and they felt I had a right to know, so there really wasn't any trepidation on their part at all. My friend literally saw him with another woman, left the restaurant in the middle of her dinner and drove to my house to tell me, she didn't even give it a second thought. That's a good friend, one who tries to protect you and knows they can tell you anything.

 

[FRESH]

I think that a person who consistently pursues people in relationships is really shady. (I used to be friends with a guy who was like that.) However, the blame lies solely with the person in the committed relationship who makes the decision to cheat.

Question: How guilty is the "other" woman/man in the cheating scenario?

My friends and I have varied ideas about this one. What's your take?

Makes you think does morality exist anymore?
How can someone want to be part of messing up someones family. The shit ain't right.

I'm curious why your friend participates in this relationship an what he can gain?

Is it "safe" for him or this woman is worth that much? I mean really seems like you would be headed for hurt anyway you put it. You either break up their marriage or you get hurt in the end.

Whether you are the cheater or the person someone is cheating with, there is always much more to lose than there is to gain. It's just not worth it.

Well for guys who do it. Its all about sex. You can no strings attached sex because the woman has a family to go back to.

Bingo. It's not my fault that young lady has a hubbie. I don't go out of my way to pursue married women, but if I apporach a young lady that is, and she doesn't tell me what's really going on, that's especially not on me. Even if she did tell me, and I liked her personality that much, she looked that good, and wanted to get it in, I'm not gonna turn her down.

I'm not gonna make her do the right thing/be a good person/lover/wife!!! That's not my place or my issue. I wouldn't expect a man to do that for a woman that was my wife. I better be holding down my home so my wife doesn't even consider stepping out on me. Even if my wife knows I'm holding it down & considered steppin out, she'll have enough respect to tell me how she feels, divorce my ass first, or tell me before she does it. (I highly doubt she would even want to even if she considered it cause I would have already let her know how I would bury her without any physical violence or much effort lol)

 

[JordanC]

Bingo. It's not my fault that young lady has a hubbie. I don't go out of my way to pursue married women, but if I apporach a young lady that is, and she doesn't tell me what's really going on, that's especially not on me. Even if she did tell me, and I liked her personality that much, she looked that good, and wanted to get it in, I'm not gonna turn her down.

I'm not gonna make her do the right thing/be a good person/lover/wife!!! That's not my place or my issue. I wouldn't expect a man to do that for a woman that was my wife. I better be holding down my home so my wife doesn't even consider stepping out on me. Even if my wife knows I'm holding it down & considered steppin out, she'll have enough respect to tell me how she feels, divorce my ass first, or tell me before she does it. (I highly doubt she would even want to even if she considered it cause I would have already let her know how I would bury her without any physical violence or much effort lol)

I have said before my thought. A marriage usually doesn't break up because of cheating. Usually there are issues and it leads to cheating. By the time it happens it's pretty much over anyway. It's the undealt with issues that are the root of the breakup. Cheating is just a step in the unraveling.

 

[The Dark King]

Bingo. It's not my fault that young lady has a hubbie. I don't go out of my way to pursue married women, but if I apporach a young lady that is, and she doesn't tell me what's really going on, that's especially not on me. Even if she did tell me, and I liked her personality that much, she looked that good, and wanted to get it in, I'm not gonna turn her down.

I'm not gonna make her do the right thing/be a good person/lover/wife!!! That's not my place or my issue. I wouldn't expect a man to do that for a woman that was my wife. I better be holding down my home so my wife doesn't even consider stepping out on me. Even if my wife knows I'm holding it down & considered steppin out, she'll have enough respect to tell me how she feels, divorce my ass first, or tell me before she does it. (I highly doubt she would even want to even if she considered it cause I would have already let her know how I would bury her without any physical violence or much effort lol)

Wow I guess honor doesn't exist for you huh fam?

 

[SmoothDaddy101]

When I spoke of commitment, I did so as it applies to a relationship between two people. I had no commitment to either of those parties, as I was not involved with them in a relationship. However, the wife was made aware and she chose to look the other way. As long as he remained married to her, she didn't care if he had a long-term affair with 20 different women. I will say that I would not typically interject myself into someone else's affairs though. If I were closely acquainted with one or both of the parties involved, then I would most likely tell the person being cheated on, because I think they should know if the person they're sleeping with is sleeping with one or more other persons. There would be very few exceptions to this, for instance a few months before my sister-in-law died, her husband started seeing someone else and in fact started planning to marry the other woman. As she was terminal, and believed him to be completely devoted to her, I saw no reason to shatter that illusion. It would have served only to hurt her and make her last few remaining months more miserable than they already were. He however got an earful.

I have been cheated on, and although I figured that out on my own, a friend attempted to tell me about it as soon as she found out. I was appreciative of her efforts to make sure I knew what he was doing. Of course I would want to know. If you believe yourself to be in a monogamous relationship, it's appropriate to know when that's no longer the case for many reasons. I'm not saying I think monogamy is the only way to go, but if that's not what someone wants, they need to be upfront about that. If they aren't then I'm going to view that as cheating, and I'd always want to know if I were being cheated on.

I think it depends on the level of friendship Jordan. Casual friends, or people who act like friends but really aren't vested in the friendship would likely keep quiet. My true friends run fiercely loyal, and my family is crazy loyal, so I actually heard about that from more than one source before it was all over and done with. They all knew that I'd want to know, and they felt I had a right to know, so there really wasn't any trepidation on their part at all. My friend literally saw him with another woman, left the restaurant in the middle of her dinner and drove to my house to tell me, she didn't even give it a second thought. That's a good friend, one who tries to protect you and knows they can tell you anything.

I'm sorry that happened to you. No one, not even my worst of enemies should go through that.

 

[FRESH]

Wow I guess honor doesn't exist for you huh fam?

What does honor have to do with a man's wife sleeping with me. The issue is not with me, it's the womens issue, it's the husbands issue, it's their issue, I'm just a by product if anything at all.

I'm single and have no to answer to but myself, not you, not any womans husband, not anyone. Like you said, it's about sex, about my immediate gratification.

Honor isn't a universal thing, but for arguments sake...you want me to honor your broken marriage...just as JC said, your marriage was doomed before she even came to me, if it's not me, it's gonna be another me.

edit: I never said I wouldn't tell the husband, if that man came to me and asked I wouldn't deny. I wouldn't go out of my way, but if the opportunity preseneted itself and I really didn't have to go out of my way (I'm not going through her purse to find her man's number, but if she leaves her cell at my crib and I answer it, cause it may be her looking for it, but it's the husband, I'm going to spill all the beans. Just because I'll bed a married women doesn't mean that I agree with her stepping out on her marriage. I wouldn't have a problem if from this day on there wasn't one married women to sleep with.

 

[FRESH]

I have said before my thought. A marriage usually doesn't break up because of cheating. Usually there are issues and it leads to cheating. By the time it happens it's pretty much over anyway. It's the undealt with issues that are the root of the breakup. Cheating is just a step in the unraveling.

Exactly

 

[The Dark King]

What does honor have to do with a man's wife sleeping with me. The issue is not with me, it's the womens issue, it's the husbands issue, it's their issue, I'm just a by product if anything at all.

I'm single and have no to answer to but myself, not you, not any womans husband, not anyone. Like you said, it's about sex, about my immediate gratification.

Honor isn't a universal thing, but for arguments sake...you want me to honor your broken marriage...just as JC said, your marriage was doomed before she even came to me, if it's not me, it's gonna be another me.

I guess I still respect the idea of family and I want no parts of breaking it up. We are all the masters of our own morality but following your logic if you see someone choking its not your job to help them after all you didn't put the food in their mouth to make them choke. And on the real there are plenty of single women out there. Literally millions, so why mess with another dudes wife.

 

[Espy]

I'm sorry that happened to you. No one, not even my worst of enemies should go through that.

Everything in life is a learning experience. As long as I learn something from an experience, even if it's only not to do it again, it had merit for me.

What does honor have to do with a man's wife sleeping with me. The issue is not with me, it's the womens issue, it's the husbands issue, it's their issue, I'm just a by product if anything at all.

I'm single and have no to answer to but myself, not you, not any womans husband, not anyone. Like you said, it's about sex, about my immediate gratification.

Honor isn't a universal thing, but for arguments sake...you want me to honor your broken marriage...just as JC said, your marriage was doomed before she even came to me, if it's not me, it's gonna be another me.

edit: I never said I wouldn't tell the husband, if that man came to me and asked I wouldn't deny. I wouldn't go out of my way, but if the opportunity preseneted itself and I really didn't have to go out of my way (I'm not going through her purse to find her man's number, but if she leaves her cell at my crib and I answer it, cause it may be her looking for it, but it's the husband, I'm going to spill all the beans. Just because I'll bed a married women doesn't mean that I agree with her stepping out on her marriage. I wouldn't have a problem if from this day on there wasn't one married women to sleep with.

This is one of those how do you define honor type things, and you and Andrae aren't working off the same definition. I agree with you and Jordan that cheating is often a symptom of an underlying issue, not typically the sole cause of a marriage ending. That's not always the case though because people cheat for a myriad of reasons, it can be just about sex, or emotional connection, or sex addiction, or psychological issues, or entitlement. Some people don't even want out of their marriage, they just want to have it all. The reasons vary, I think each person has to decide for themselves what they are comfortable with. You've clearly got that figured out for you, and Andrae clearly has it figured out for him. Doesn't mean one is wrong and the other right, because it clearly works for each of you. One thing I've learned is that everyone's moral compass points in a different direction based upon their own personal experiences and beliefs, what works for one may make absolutly no sense to the someone else. I find that's often the case with me personally.

I guess I still respect the idea of family and I want no parts of breaking it up. We are all the masters of our own morality but following your logic if you see someone choking its not your job to help them after all you didn't put the food in their mouth to make them choke. And on the real there are plenty of single women out there. Literally millions, so why mess with another dudes wife.

It's not always a case of breaking up a family, sometimes it's just how people operate. They don't intend to leave their spouse, so you being involved with them isn't a big deal to them. Some people really do just completely seperate sex, lust, and love very well. Personally it's not something I could do as the person in the marriage who cheats, or the person the married guy cheats with. I would feel completely wrong in either scenario and would be ashamed of myself, which is the reason I wouldn't do it. I'm a firm believer that if you feel the urge to have an affair with someone, you end the marriage first and then pursue what makes you happy. I spent almost 20 years in an unhappy, unsatisfying, just all around sucky marriage, but despite that, cheating is something I couldn't do. Basically I believe if it feels wrong to you, then it is wrong for you. Like I said everyone's morals are different, I think the key is just don't do anything that prevents you from respecting who you see when you look in the mirror.

I also think people define cheating differently. To some talking to another person intimately is cheating, others draw the line at kissing someone else, while for me personally I'm not likely to get bent out of shape over anything less than him actually having sex with someone else. If two people aren't operating under the same definition, you may have a big problem.

 

[FRESH]

I guess I still respect the idea of family and I want no parts of breaking it up. We are all the masters of our own morality but following your logic if you see someone choking its not your job to help them after all you didn't put the food in their mouth to make them choke. And on the real there are plenty of single women out there. Literally millions, so why mess with another dudes wife.

Asinine analogies...that's what I call those. So many times we--including myself, try to justify our position by presenting another completely different topic as the original. You can't go on principal, because they're two different principals. I'm not a heartless bastard, I'm not cheating on anyone, nor would I let someone choke to death (I actually am cpr certified & can use a defibrillator).

The wives are the ones that are suspect, I would be cautious of my wife if she was cheating on me/had cheated on me (based on the premise of my earlier post), in retrospect, whatever, if your wife is willing to cheat on you, then she certain has lost respect for you, feelings for you, etc...so there's a chance that she may not perform cpr for if you need it. I'd worry more about that then me coming to your aid...strangers come to people aid all the time...

 

[Sir Nose]

a friend attempted to tell me about it as soon as she found out. I was appreciative of her efforts to make sure I knew what he was doing.

In many cases this would be met with resentment. Shooting the messenger.

 

[Arwen]

I just had a conversation with a friend who's messing with a married chick who's been with her husband for 10 years and they have a son. I also know this woman and would never think she's like that but I guess appearances are decieving. So have any of you cheated with or on someone?

I never cheated. I remember one time I thought that a guy was cute when I was with my ex and when I realized that I cried all night long because I felt bad. :-S It was the beginning of the end.

I've dated a guy who was cheating though. It didn't end up good and I still feel bad for his family... but I'm sure if he came over and gave me that special look he had, I would forget about being sorry, I guess. I'm bad, I know.

 

[LA]

I never cheated. I remember one time I thought that a guy was cute when I was with my ex and when I realized that I cried all night long because I felt bad. :-S It was the beginning of the end.

I've dated a guy who was cheating though. It didn't end up good and I still feel bad for his family... but I'm sure if he came over and gave me that special look he had, I would forget about being sorry, I guess. I'm bad, I know.

:smt018

 

[Redeemed One Jr]

I just had a conversation with a friend who's messing with a married chick who's been with her husband for 10 years and they have a son. I also know this woman and would never think she's like that but I guess appearances are decieving. So have any of you cheated with or on someone?

Nope, never done such and never will. I wouldn't want anyone to do that to me either. And if they did, may they never get caught. You guys may think the Saw movies were messed up, well we shall see what happens if I catch my significant other cheating on me. :smt108

Okay, maybe not that far. But seriously, I personally think it's a shady thing to do all the way around. If you don't want to be with someone and rather be with someone else, I think it is more honorable to just break it off and endure the hurt and/or baggage that comes from that relationship ending, rather then trying to have one's cake and eat it too.

 

[The Dark King]

I never cheated. I remember one time I thought that a guy was cute when I was with my ex and when I realized that I cried all night long because I felt bad. :-S It was the beginning of the end.

I've dated a guy who was cheating though. It didn't end up good and I still feel bad for his family... but I'm sure if he came over and gave me that special look he had, I would forget about being sorry, I guess. I'm bad, I know.

I'm not judging at all Thick. I just have a problem understanding why people get involved with attached people when there are so many single people out there. I guess self interest always rules. Its a littel disheartening.

 

[GFunk]