Favorite quotes

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.” - Albert Einstein
 
“The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.” - Will Rogers
 
“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” - Jack Handey
 
I am going to call my kids Ctrl, Alt and Delete. Then if they muck up I will just hit them all at once.” - Unknown
 
“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” - Robert Frost
 
“I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.” - Emo Philips
 
“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” - Bob Hope
 
“A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail. A best friend is the one sitting next to you saying ‘boy was that fun.’” - The Maugles
 
“Why does a woman work ten years to change a man’s habits and then complain that he’s not the man she married?” - Barbra Streisand
 
“Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.” - Woody Allen
 
“Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.” - Unknown
 
“The sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.” - Unknown
 
“Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?” - Unknown
 
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