The funeral came to past and even though there were laughs, there were also sadness looming over. I hated seeing my own brother laying in a coffin, cold and lifeless. This day should have only been about the elections. But no, there was something else along the way and it's this untimely event. It was a good funeral, but still heavily sad due to the person who departed.
Still, my parents are whom I'm most concerned about. With events like Thanksgiving, Christmas, his Birthday, and then Easter, all will be a dark cloud because of that memory from Nov. 1st. My dad's voice cracked a bit and given his background in law enforcement, he's always been a stoic person. Even when his own dad died, he remained firmed, though he shed a tear or two. As for my mom, she's still reliving that night over and over again. Even as far as replaying the video from the funeral. It's heartbreaking. She's reliving that nightmare every single day. I can only tell you this much...because of this event, I doubt they'll have long on this earth as well. A torn heart from the loss of a loved one can truly give way quicker.
As for me? I've wept a few times, staring at him for long periods, talking to him and my relatives about the good days young and such. Right now, as I'm typing this, I'm still shedding tears and it'll take a long time to recover. I still wish all of this was either a joke or a nightmare to wake up from. But no, that's not the case and I haven't really been the same since then. Sure, there have been some level of normalcy here by talking with people, but it doesn't erase the memory altogether. I just have to keep strong.
I know for a fact that they are unable to sleep because of this whole matter. Every time they wake up in the morning, they see that spot where he took his own life and knowing he's no longer there, everything went topsy turvy. It'll take until their final hours to finally come to terms with it.
And yet, there is a silver lining to it all...
He was suffering, despite having a loving family who protected him through all sorts of danger and harm. With Asperger's Syndrome, he's unable to cope with everything. In the long run, there are no worries of what happens to him when my parents are gone and wondering who will be his caretaker. I see it as that. He'll be cremated soon and then brought back home to my parents on Wednesday of this week. I took photos of him before the funeral, as a reminder of who he was. I'm going to miss him.
