what do white women love about black men?

[Liquid Swords]

My mum has a key but she never uses it, just knocks if she comes. It's there for if I lose it really or if I go away and she needs to walk the dog for me.

 

[TreePixie]

I guess it goes back to the immigrant thing. Family is always welcomed.
And even though you had to pay for your house yourself I doubt most of us wouldn't say no to the help from our parents much like your son didn't say no for help with his education that you paid for.

You know what I meant.

Of course, it would have been great to have help. I'm just saying it isn't impossible to do on your own if you're careful and lucky!

 

[babybro]

You'd be amazed how difficult it was to find a guy who:

a. Didn't have the alarm sounding on their biological clocks
b. wasn't a sexist jackass
c. wasn't still sucking at the breast for his meals.

It's pretty common. I'm all for having an adult, happy relationship with your family. The kind of relationship were boundaries are set, maintained and respected. I have dated guys where I found out that mom was still doing his laundry, or he wouldn't have food in the house except lucky charms because his mom would bring him dinner every single night. Like, dude? You're old enough to live on your own, you're old enough to cook a freakin' grilled cheese.

The issue is that people often can't find the happy medium with their families, especially with it comes to guys and their moms. They think nothing to giving mom a key so she can come in and pick up the place when she wants, or just pop in without calling or knocking. That's a huge red flag for me. If you are an adult, be one.

For instance, the current BF talks to his mother, and he cares about her, and would help her if she ever needed it...but he is his own man. He moved across the country from her because that's what he wanted to do. He would love to go back to his home state at some point, because he loved it there, and he likes his family, but that's not in the cards for right now and he's not worried about it. He does go visit his family a few times a year though, and he looks forward to it and enjoys it. I can respect that a LOT more than a man who clings to mommy's apron strings complaining that he can't go anywhere because he can't leave her like it's the first day of pre-K. For ME, that kind of person is sends up red flags.

BUT, it could be where I've lived (both in the south and up north), but there are far more mama's boys than there aren't it seems, sometimes.

[YOUTUBE]zVbmgEIdbKI[/YOUTUBE]

Actually what you speak of has very little to do with "being an adult" and almost everything to do with western cultural values towards family. It's well known in western society, primarily upon caucasian individuals that they value independence and being on their own. But in other cultures, such as latin and asian based cultures. family is a much more important aspect, with traits that you criticize are consider normal. For example, I'm not certain this is true or not, but I was told that supposedly in mongolian culture, people are allowed to get breast milk from their mother indefinitely. There isn't a certain amount of time like say 3 or 4 years old and than you stop. So supposedly it's normal for a 50 year old to drink the breast milk of their mom. That's their culture. And has nothing to do with being an adult or not.

Now of course that's an extreme example but I can perhaps provide one that's not so extreme that may provide a better example, a personal situation per say that I haven't told that many people about. I have two older sisters who I'm extremely close to, but they live in different areas. Now I'm adopted and my sisters are caucasian, but very often we are compared to a latin family for how close we are. An example of this is not long ago, my oldest sister whose currently married was very concern over my well being and wanted me to move in with her and her husband so they can look out for me. Yet she made this decision without her husbands "consent." My brother in law doesn't really like me but that's a different story. In the end, my brother in law did not want me coming but my sister did. And now ultimately they are separating. My brother in law, by the way, is caucasian.

Now for the few that I have talked to who are hispanic ( I live in san diego no more than 10 minutes away from the border, so the majority of my friends are mexican.) they all uniformly believed that the brother in law was wrong. Not a single one sided with him, saying how dare he try to come between my sister and I and etc etc. However, for the few close caucasian friends I have, the majority (not all) sided with the husband. Saying that with them being married, the husband is the most important aspect and what he said should've gone.

It provided a very interesting cultural boundary that I found between different ethnicities, even though my family is caucasian lol. I can provide many other examples, such as my long trip in Japan, they also had a very close bond on family. For example, in Japan, it's very normal for a married couple to stay within their parents house and the parents and married couple combine will help save money to buy the married couple a house.

In the end, the reason why I'm telling you this is to not change your mind regarding your views on if you like this sort of behavior or not, but to show you that it has nothing to do with "being an adult." Essentially, there are just people who are closer towards their family than others. (well technically the majority of the world seeing as it appears that primarily caucasian culture appears to have this huge pride on independence and distance from their family. As Asian, Latin, and African cultures seem to place supposedly a greater value on family.)

 

[Sin Mari]

Yeah, it's a white thing. LOL
All the white people I know (incl. family) think it's shameful for an adult to live with their parents beyond age 20 (and 20 is pushing it). But my husband, his family and friends think it's normal for someone who is unmarried to live with family until they marry and that it's shameful for the parents of the unmarried person to want them out of the house.

 

[The Dark King]

Great post fam. Thanks for sharing. Really makes more sense out of your comic lol.

Actually what you speak of has very little to do with "being an adult" and almost everything to do with western cultural values towards family. It's well known in western society, primarily upon caucasian individuals that they value independence and being on their own. But in other cultures, such as latin and asian based cultures. family is a much more important aspect, with traits that you criticize are consider normal. For example, I'm not certain this is true or not, but I was told that supposedly in mongolian culture, people are allowed to get breast milk from their mother indefinitely. There isn't a certain amount of time like say 3 or 4 years old and than you stop. So supposedly it's normal for a 50 year old to drink the breast milk of their mom. That's their culture. And has nothing to do with being an adult or not.

Now of course that's an extreme example but I can perhaps provide one that's not so extreme that may provide a better example, a personal situation per say that I haven't told that many people about. I have two older sisters who I'm extremely close to, but they live in different areas. Now I'm adopted and my sisters are caucasian, but very often we are compared to a latin family for how close we are. An example of this is not long ago, my oldest sister whose currently married was very concern over my well being and wanted me to move in with her and her husband so they can look out for me. Yet she made this decision without her husbands "consent." My brother in law doesn't really like me but that's a different story. In the end, my brother in law did not want me coming but my sister did. And now ultimately they are separating. My brother in law, by the way, is caucasian.

Now for the few that I have talked to who are hispanic ( I live in san diego no more than 10 minutes away from the border, so the majority of my friends are mexican.) they all uniformly believed that the brother in law was wrong. Not a single one sided with him, saying how dare he try to come between my sister and I and etc etc. However, for the few close caucasian friends I have, the majority (not all) sided with the husband. Saying that with them being married, the husband is the most important aspect and what he said should've gone.

It provided a very interesting cultural boundary that I found between different ethnicities, even though my family is caucasian lol. I can provide many other examples, such as my long trip in Japan, they also had a very close bond on family. For example, in Japan, it's very normal for a married couple to stay within their parents house and the parents and married couple combine will help save money to buy the married couple a house.

In the end, the reason why I'm telling you this is to not change your mind regarding your views on if you like this sort of behavior or not, but to show you that it has nothing to do with "being an adult." Essentially, there are just people who are closer towards their family than others. (well technically the majority of the world seeing as it appears that primarily caucasian culture appears to have this huge pride on independence and distance from their family. As Asian, Latin, and African cultures seem to place supposedly a greater value on family.)

 

[The Dark King]

Yeah, it's a white thing. LOL
All the white people I know (incl. family) think it's shameful for an adult to live with their parents beyond age 20 (and 20 is pushing it). But my husband, his family and friends think it's normal for someone who is unmarried to live with family until they marry and that it's shameful for the parents of the unmarried person to want them out of the house.

Which is so mind boggling to me. Everyone benefits from being in a close family. This world is a very cold and lonely place and I have no interest in pretending I can do it alone. To me that's the very personification of weakness. I find it interesting that so many women would agree with that mindset since women are so much more team work oriented.

 

[TheHuntress]

Actually what you speak of has very little to do with "being an adult" and almost everything to do with western cultural values towards family. It's well known in western society, primarily upon caucasian individuals that they value independence and being on their own. But in other cultures, such as latin and asian based cultures. family is a much more important aspect, with traits that you criticize are consider normal. For example, I'm not certain this is true or not, but I was told that supposedly in mongolian culture, people are allowed to get breast milk from their mother indefinitely. There isn't a certain amount of time like say 3 or 4 years old and than you stop. So supposedly it's normal for a 50 year old to drink the breast milk of their mom. That's their culture. And has nothing to do with being an adult or not.

Now of course that's an extreme example but I can perhaps provide one that's not so extreme that may provide a better example, a personal situation per say that I haven't told that many people about. I have two older sisters who I'm extremely close to, but they live in different areas. Now I'm adopted and my sisters are caucasian, but very often we are compared to a latin family for how close we are. An example of this is not long ago, my oldest sister whose currently married was very concern over my well being and wanted me to move in with her and her husband so they can look out for me. Yet she made this decision without her husbands "consent." My brother in law doesn't really like me but that's a different story. In the end, my brother in law did not want me coming but my sister did. And now ultimately they are separating. My brother in law, by the way, is caucasian.

Now for the few that I have talked to who are hispanic ( I live in san diego no more than 10 minutes away from the border, so the majority of my friends are mexican.) they all uniformly believed that the brother in law was wrong. Not a single one sided with him, saying how dare he try to come between my sister and I and etc etc. However, for the few close caucasian friends I have, the majority (not all) sided with the husband. Saying that with them being married, the husband is the most important aspect and what he said should've gone.

It provided a very interesting cultural boundary that I found between different ethnicities, even though my family is caucasian lol. I can provide many other examples, such as my long trip in Japan, they also had a very close bond on family. For example, in Japan, it's very normal for a married couple to stay within their parents house and the parents and married couple combine will help save money to buy the married couple a house.

In the end, the reason why I'm telling you this is to not change your mind regarding your views on if you like this sort of behavior or not, but to show you that it has nothing to do with "being an adult." Essentially, there are just people who are closer towards their family than others. (well technically the majority of the world seeing as it appears that primarily caucasian culture appears to have this huge pride on independence and distance from their family. As Asian, Latin, and African cultures seem to place supposedly a greater value on family.)

Well, I'd be pissed if I was your brother in law as well. Once you're married, you make decisions together. You don't just invite someone to live with you without consulting your SO or spouse. If my BF and I lived together and I came home one day and he told me his mom or his sister was coming to live with us, I'd lose my mind. Even if we were all buddy buddy.

And my family is Italian. There is, however, a difference between closeness and not growing up. Having your mom stay with you or come and go after an operation? That's normal. Mom coming to stock your fridge because you're not grown up enough to get your own food? Not OK. Closeness without boundaries isn't close....it's co-dependent. My family loves to spend time together, and we stop by and say hi to each other, call each other, and go on vacations together sometimes. We are close, not co-dependent.

Also, families like what you describe tend to raise men that increase tensions in couples. If his mom makes a rude comment to his wife, he will rarely tell his mother to stop. Those men also tend to be more sexist than others. That is my experience with those kinds of men and families, and I have no patience for it. Oh, and my boyfriend is of Mexican and Italian decent, Soooo I don't know that it's based on particular family cultures as much as the mother infusing her desire to never cut the cord.

 

[The Dark King]

Well, I'd be pissed if I was your brother in law as well. Once you're married, you make decisions together. You don't just invite someone to live with you without consulting your SO or spouse. If my BF and I lived together and I came home one day and he told me his mom or his sister was coming to live with us, I'd lose my mind. Even if we were all buddy buddy.

And my family is Italian. There is, however, a difference between closeness and not growing up. Having your mom stay with you or come and go after an operation? That's normal. Mom coming to stock your fridge because you're not grown up enough to get your own food? Not OK. Closeness without boundaries isn't close....it's co-dependent. My family loves to spend time together, and we stop by and say hi to each other, call each other, and go on vacations together sometimes. We are close, not co-dependent.

Also, families like what you describe tend to raise men that increase tensions in couples. If his mom makes a rude comment to his wife, he will rarely tell his mother to stop. Those men also tend to be more sexist than others. That is my experience with those kinds of men and families, and I have no patience for it. Oh, and my boyfriend is of Mexican and Italian decent, Soooo I don't know that it's based on particular family cultures as much as the mother infusing her desire to never cut the cord.

Where do you keep getting the assumption that there are no boundaries?
Seriously are you cooking meth at your house? Is that why you're so paranoid about unannounced visitors lol.

Families like he described usually raise men who are responsible and tend to stick around and take care of their responsibilities. They are far less likely to abandon their children or loved ones. And maybe no one described to you what love and respect is but anyone who loves you isn't going to be rude to someone you love, it just won't happen. My mom has never nor would she ever (barring dementia I guess) say an unkind thing about any woman me or my brothers love unless they do us dirty. Even I forgive my mom sure as hell won't which is why I don't believe telling others about your relationship problems. It paints an unfair picture.
Seriously what the hell is in the water up there lol.

 

[MissWacy]

Which is so mind boggling to me. Everyone benefits from being in a close family. This world is a very cold and lonely place and I have no interest in pretending I can do it alone. To me that's the very personification of weakness. I find it interesting that so many women would agree with that mindset since women are so much more team work oriented.

try playing cod with some of the females i have lool

 

[TheHuntress]

Where do you keep getting the assumption that there are no boundaries?
Seriously are you cooking meth at your house? Is that why you're so paranoid about unannounced visitors lol.

Families like he described usually raise men who are responsible and tend to stick around and take care of their responsibilities. They are far less likely to abandon their children or loved ones. And maybe no one described to you what love and respect is but anyone who loves you isn't going to be rude to someone you love, it just won't happen. My mom has never nor would she ever (barring dementia I guess) say an unkind thing about any woman me or my brothers love unless they do us dirty. Even I forgive my mom sure as hell won't which is why I don't believe telling others about your relationship problems. It paints an unfair picture.
Seriously what the hell is in the water up there lol.

The woman does your laundry and buys you groceries. That's all I need to demonstrate that there are no boundaries.

I just feel like if you're grown enough to put your dick in something, you're grown enough to put Mama and the family in second place to get your own life going.

 

[Othello1967]

I know no one has touched this topic for a while but I decided I had to respond. =)

My current boyfriend is from Chicago, raised by his mama and grandfather(who was John Lee Hooker believe it or not).
What drew me to him was his personality and attitude. One thing about black men - I have ALWAYS been the one to approach and they reciprocate and there is NO feelings of repurcussion. Rather, they like it. They do the chasing after but to have a female approach them and show interest just seems to drive them wild.
When my bf walked into the pub I was hanging at with friends, I immediately noticed and knew he was NOT from Canada. Once we started talking(with him trying his best to ignore me!), I knew he was from America.

I love the fact that even when my days are going horrible, when things are going bad, he tells me to be strong through it. To hold my head up high and to know that I will make it through.
I love playing with his hair. He has dreads - both him and my ex(had braids) have the softest curliest hair I have EVER held. It's weird but nice to hold his hair while we're kissing. =)
Despite his sometimes criticism, he does accept me and accept my booty and all it's jigglyness. =)
He has just about the best sense of humour that I have ever seen. Most of the black men I know have and I adore this quality in a man - a man who can make me laugh when I'm crying is a keeper. He's also not afraid to say what he wants to say - he doesn't feel the need to subdue his words or change them or censor. He just says it.

And he keeps me in line sometimes when I swear too much and get mad at him over little things. He gently reminds me that I need stop with the cussing and be nice.

And yes, I have been with white men as well - however not one of them have ever dated me, they all turned me down! When my first boyfriend came around(the most gentlest, sweetest man whose still one of my best friends now), it was about who HE was as a person and that he accepted me for me, my intelligence, my independence, my individuality and my quirkiness at times. Other men just haven't accepted that while I was growing up. I then found a man who happened to be black but also accepted me and wanted me for me.
This is why I love black men. It is about the personality and what they are raised with that makes me love them so much.

That`s nice to hear.

 

[Othello1967]

Thanks for the response, Redeemed One. You seem really sweet and sincere and your girlfriend is definitely blessed to have you in her life. I admire your boundaries and convictions.

And actually, abstaining was always my goal until I got myself into a very compromising situation with strong pressure from the guy I was dating. Not rape, because I was very much tempted too, but I never would have gone ahead if he wasn't pushing for it. It wasn't a good relationship, and he also knew what my committment was and pressured anyway. (This was a white guy, BTW)

Pettyofficer, I know you weren't asking for advice, but here I go anyway. :smt003 Someone who's a "Jesus freak," with her faith playing a large role in her life and being committed to abstinence, etc., is not the best match for someone who doesn't share those beliefs. In theory, she's supposed to be looking for a fellow Christian who can share her convictions.

Plus, she would be looking for a long-term relationship that would involve raising children in the Christian faith, etc. I know all this from personal experience, even though I'm a bit confused at the moment! Like I said, I identify more with liberal Christianity and I'm uncomfortable with the notion I was taught growing up, that all others are going to hell. And, as I've mentioned, I already "blew it" as some Christians would say, on the abstinence issue.

I'm probably going to get in trouble with the moderators for getting into a religious discussion on the wrong thread. Sorry!

Aren`t the Jesus freaks on the extreme side of Christianity?

 

[Othello1967]

I guess at least if you claim Indian you can get a pass on taxes and open up a casino. There's no money in being black. LOL

Take it from me Indians don`t have it that great, either. At least in the places I`ve been.

 

[Othello1967]

LOL, I'm from a carnival culture in the West Indies. They usually have a parade in Toronto and down here in New York City, also in Trinidad and Tobago. We Caribbean culture folks love our carnivals.

The Rio carnival has become so commercialized and watered down from its glory days. Any bloke off the street can pay some money and become part of the parade with one of the samba schools. The whole thing is now a money making venture first and foremost.

I always wanted to visit Brazil, Guyana is right next to Brazil on the Atlantic coast of South America.

Repping Guyana

 

[The Dark King]

The woman does your laundry and buys you groceries. That's all I need to demonstrate that there are no boundaries.

I just feel like if you're grown enough to put your dick in something, you're grown enough to put Mama and the family in second place to get your own life going.

I seriously don't understand what's wrong with that. Its not like I need her to just like she doesn't need me to come by and do chores for her. Its called being part of a close knit family. We don't mind it. Its not this huge inconvience and I've been fucking since I was 15 should I have been living on my own then?
Dude you like doing everything for yourself and by yourself which is fine for you, but I don't sit around calling you an isolationist cold hearted person who doesn't trust anyone do I?
It's not my place so I don't get why having a family that enjoys doing things for one another is a bad thing.
And I truly fail to understand how abandoning my family for someone who I happen to put my dick in as you put as being grown.
I don't understand how pushing them to the side while I start what's more than like a temporary situation is starting my life. My life is richer and much better with them in the foreground and not in the background.
I think you grossly misunderstand things and tend to go to massive extremes like in the video you posted. Dudes that would act remotely close to Stuart wouldn't be getting women for this to be a discussion. Everything is so zero sum with you.
I talk to my mom daily for 5 minutes tops, I speak to the rest of my family 3 or for times a week. I enjoy being part of their lives and not just seeing them on holidays for a few hours and then at weddings and funerals. I value them more than that, I get that you don't and that's fine but no need to be insulting about it.

 

[JordanC]

I seriously don't understand what's wrong with that. Its not like I need her to just like she doesn't need me to come by and do chores for her. Its called being part of a close knit family. We don't mind it. Its not this huge inconvience and I've been fucking since I was 15 should I have been living on my own then?
Dude you like doing everything for yourself and by yourself which is fine for you, but I don't sit around calling you an isolationist cold hearted person who doesn't trust anyone do I?
It's not my place so I don't get why having a family that enjoys doing things for one another is a bad thing.
And I truly fail to understand how abandoning my family for someone who I happen to put my dick in as you put as being grown.
I don't understand how pushing them to the side while I start what's more than like a temporary situation is starting my life. My life is richer and much better with them in the foreground and not in the background.
I think you grossly misunderstand things and tend to go to massive extremes like in the video you posted. Dudes that would act remotely close to Stuart wouldn't be getting women for this to be a discussion. Everything is so zero sum with you.
I talk to my mom daily for 5 minutes tops, I speak to the rest of my family 3 or for times a week. I enjoy being part of their lives and not just seeing them on holidays for a few hours and then at weddings and funerals. I value them more than that, I get that you don't and that's fine but no need to be insulting about it.

I don't know about that. My mom wiped my ass up to when I was say up to 3-4 years old and couldn't do it on my own. I wouldn't dream of having my mom wipe my ass now.

You get to a certain age and you relieve your parents of taking care of/waiting on you. I like independence. That way when my mom says something I don't agree on I can say .

And I do things for my mom to "repay" her for all the things she did for me, not as an exchange.

 

[swirlman07]

Yeah, it's a white thing. LOL
All the white people I know (incl. family) think it's shameful for an adult to live with their parents beyond age 20 (and 20 is pushing it). But my husband, his family and friends think it's normal for someone who is unmarried to live with family until they marry and that it's shameful for the parents of the unmarried person to want them out of the house.

It's so interesting how we bring different perspectives to this issue. Ironically, I'd always assumed that this was something that ONLY happened among white families. I also think about the number of times I've heard a white guy who I worked with make an admission that he'd be lost without his wife. She was the one who packed for him on business trips, purchased his clothes, and performed the kinds of tasks I associate with "mothering".

On the other hand, I often got the comment from women when I was dating that they couldn't do anything for me, because I did most things better than them. I've been taking care of myself since I was a teenager. I learned to cook, clean, sew, iron clothes and do anything that I needed to do to take care of myself, because I didn't wanted that lack of reliance. Heck, I even do my own home decorating, picking out colors, accessories, rugs, bedding, etc.

In reality, IMO, the tendency to live at home through adulthood is based on differences in culture in some cases, differing trends in child rearing and sometimes differences among individuals.

When I met my ex, who is Spanish, I was amazed that in Spain it's fairly common for children to live with parents until they were married. My ex, who's 35 now, and was in her late 20's when met, lived at home with her brother who was a couple of years younger. Their mother cooked for them, cleaned their rooms, changed their beds, and washed their clothes, which I found appalling and teasingly called them buitres, vultures. Not surprisingly, I also found that they were less mature, spoiled, more needy, greedy and had difficulty maintaining long term relationships as they were used to being coddled. I've noticed the similar personality traits among many of the people around the same age here in the states who seem to have a sense of expectancy and maintain that perspective even in their dating lives.

Obviously, one size doesn't fit all, but still, it's something I've noticed.

 

[The Dark King]

I don't know about that. My mom wiped my ass up to when I was say up to 3-4 years old and couldn't do it on my own. I wouldn't dream of having my mom wipe my ass now.

You get to a certain age and you relieve your parents of taking care of/waiting on you. I like independence. That way when my mom says something I don't agree on I can say .

And I do things for my mom to "repay" her for all the things she did for me, not as an exchange.

I seriously don't understand how this response relates to what I said. I'm not being sarcastic either. I really don't get it.

What I said had more to do with a family taking care of each other not doing things because you're lazy and/or incapable. Like Swirl said there are men whose wives take care of them and that's not considered mothering. One of my exes use to come over and clean up or bring me dinner and I would do stuff like take her car to get maintained or fill it up with gas. That to me is taking care of each other but it seems to many of you that when your romantic interest does it its sweet and romantic but when its family its codependent. I thought part of loving someone was doing stuff for them.

 

[Ches]

I would perhaps substitue "nurturing" for "mothering." I love to do things for my man, even if he is perfectly capable of doing them for himself just because I am a giver. That's my personality. But it would be a turnoff if he needed to have those things done for him because he never learned how because Mom aways did it for him.

It's so interesting how we bring different perspectives to this issue. Ironically, I'd always assumed that this was something that ONLY happened among white families. I also think about the number of times I've heard a white guy who I worked with make an admission that he'd be lost without his wife. She was the one who packed for him on business trips, purchased his clothes, and performed the kinds of tasks I associate with "mothering".

On the other hand, I often got the comment from women when I was dating that they couldn't do anything for me, because I did most things better than them. I've been taking care of myself since I was a teenager. I learned to cook, clean, sew, iron clothes and do anything that I needed to do to take care of myself, because I didn't wanted that lack of reliance. Heck, I even do my own home decorating, picking out colors, accessories, rugs, bedding, etc.

In reality, IMO, the tendency to live at home through adulthood is based on differences in culture in some cases, differing trends in child rearing and sometimes differences among individuals.

When I met my ex, who is Spanish, I was amazed that in Spain it's fairly common for children to live with parents until they were married. My ex, who's 35 now, and was in her late 20's when met, lived at home with her brother who was a couple of years younger. Their mother cooked for them, cleaned their rooms, changed their beds, and washed their clothes, which I found appalling and teasingly called them buitres, vultures. Not surprisingly, I also found that they were less mature, spoiled, more needy, greedy and had difficulty maintaining long term relationships as they were used to being coddled. I've noticed the similar personality traits among many of the people around the same age here in the states who seem to have a sense of expectancy and maintain that perspective even in their dating lives.

Obviously, one size doesn't fit all, but still, it's something I've noticed.

 

[swirlman07]

I would perhaps substitue "nurturing" for "mothering." I love to do things for my man, even if he is perfectly capable of doing them for himself just because I am a giver. That's my personality. But it would be a turnoff if he needed to have those things done for him because he never learned how because Mom aways did it for him.

Sorry, IMO, it sounds like a euphemism for the same act.