Cheaters
- Thread starter Chigirl
- Start date
Bliss
Well-Known Member
THIS.
Interesting...
As much as the internet plays in developing relationships and breaking them up in general, I say it would count. Now if your dude likes to pay 20cents a minute once in a blue moon to watch some random "Mystique" type dirty and play with herself on cam, that's not really cheating..that's him just indulging in being a naughty nasty, dirty boy. She's not a threat.
Yea. It's interesting to think what you'd put up with when it really comes down to it. If I found out my guy was having cyber sex with someone on the internet I would not only be disturbed but feel totally betrayed. There's too much work and thought involved.
Porn movies? Dirty websites? Strip clubs? I don't LIKE it, but I'd never prevent my guy from partaking in these things when I'm not around.
Sex is sex. Yea it can be meaningful and earth shaking and yadayada, but for men I think it is much more a function then a emotional thing. I'd be more upset if I were to find my boyfriend talking to an ex girlfriend casually then to find out he blew $100 bucks slipping dollars to girls to dance naked in front of him. Most of the hurt for me would come down to how much EMOTIONAL energy he exerted on the 'other woman' not so much the fact of him being physically aroused.
Alinoa
New Member
Yes as well as sexting.
I think it's a perception thing. I know that when i was married...the thought of my husband thinking or spending time with a woman talking about having sex with her would have constituted cheating in my mind.
Now that im older i don't see it as such. In a healthy relationship preventing the other person from having a life outside of yourself as the significant other is not how it's done. Obviously, being upset that my spouse was thinking of other women showed just how insecure I was and how needy I was for his sole attention.
Bliss
Well-Known Member
Hell yeah. Spot on!
Especially the part about what sex means to men, generally speaking of course...and the ex thing. If my guy kept running back to his ex, there's no u-turn for me and him..that's a dysfunctional love right there he has...that break-up/make-up shit that spits out innocent human pawns along their fucked up trail of mind games they play. Won't waste my time while he "figures" himself out.
I think also whether it's cyber-sexing, or sex talking on the phone with another woman, he's still engaging the same emotions as if he was cheating IRL
angryblackman
Restricted
cause pussy is really, really, good...case closed!
Bliss
Well-Known Member
That includes your woman's pussy too, sweetheart.
pettyofficerj
New Member
have u seen his woman's pussy
chocolatecream4u
Well-Known Member
yeah for sure
Bliss
Well-Known Member
Unless you both agree that your husband gets to engage in extra-curricular activities of "thinking or spending time with a woman talking about having sex together", then fine, otherwise to most married people, that's a form of cheating.
Not saying it would break up a marriage, but it would have to stop or wifey gets to do the same.
I think a lot of the pain is the deception. But for real, if I'm digging my man, no way could I stand him being intimate with another woman, Hell to the no.
I agree to an extent.
I've known SEVERAL homegirls who forbid their boyfriends to look at pornography. I can ONLY imagine that this, yea, makes the girls appear very needy and then forces the guys to lie in the relationship... creating something really unhealthy.
On the other hand... Fuck the idea of my guy sexting, or cybering, or spending time with a woman and talking about having sex with her. That's a HELL NO.
Bliss
Well-Known Member
pettyofficerj
New Member
cyber sex/texting definitely counts
look at that Weiner guy who ended up resigning from the political office, over it. he was sending topless photos to women and that shit caused a firestorm.
cyber stuff is relatively new in the area of love and romance, so many people aren't really sure how to interpret it. For others, they definitely view texting other women you've never met in person or sending photos as cheating.
Alinoa
New Member
I'm not necessarily saying its NOT cheating. Depending upon perception it is or isn't.
What I am saying, mostly, is that it's wrong for me to expect my SO to conform to some kind of "you can't talk to another woman/think about another woman/pay attention to only me and be completely non human. How many of these women who say their boyfriends/husbands CANT watch porn talk/talk to another girl but then flirt with co workers or go to "girls nite out"? The ones who have to exert that much control over another human are insecure.
It's like we go in with a double standard to begin with. If a woman flirts with a man or watches chippendales..it won't really lead to anything because it's men who cheat.
Gah. I don't know. It's much easier to explain in my brain
Bliss
Well-Known Member
Well that's not what you said...you said.."thinking or spending time with a woman talking about having sex together" That's a whole other level than what you just wrote of sticking onsies in drawers or flirting with a co-worker (which u really cant take too far these days b/c of harassment rules)
*Ps: That's also a misnomer btw, about women denying their men porn. Ive yet to meet a woman who's in a relationship deny her man porn. Fact is most woman are ok with their men watching porn, even if they don't share the lust for it. (though many women actually like to watch too.)
Alinoa
New Member
Well that's not what you said...you said.."thinking or spending time with a woman talking about having sex together" That's a whole other level than what you just wrote of sticking onsies in drawers or flirting with a co-worker (which u really cant take too far these days b/c of harassment rules)
*Ps: That's also a misnomer btw, about women denying their men porn. Ive yet to meet a woman who's in a relationship deny her man porn. Fact is most woman are ok with their men watching porn, even if they don't share the lust for it. (though many women actually like to watch too.)
I guess what I'm trying (and failing) to say is:
How does a woman really control that? I was married to a man who cheated on me every three months for ten years. Did I want him to? Nope. Did that stop him? Nope. Was I faithful to him? Yep. Did the fact that he constantly broke our vows and it hurt every single time make him stop? Was he going after younger hotter models? Nope. In one situation NOnE of us could figure out what could have caused him to cheat. His best friend even told he he couldn't see where dude was coming from
I begged and I pleaded and I tried and I didn't try. Why he cheated only he honestly knows. Maybe he just could not keep him dick in his pants. Maybe he just wanted to feel not tied down and straddled with wifey and kids so he continued to live his life AS IF he wasn't. Maybe he was just too young to be grown about any of it.
I really don't know. What I do know is that there wasn't one thing I could do that would have stopped him. I even told him to tell me if he wanted to beinga third in. I'm down like that. He still cheated.
So I can't really say. Ten years ago it wa devastating. Ten years ago I would have he a very black and white concept of what constitutes faithfulness/unfaithfulness.
Now I don't. The variables are as open as the people who cheat.
Bliss
Well-Known Member
Yeah, you're writing the book on many a woman's experience. Def been down that trail, but he wasn't my husband. If he was, my chapter would end significantly shorter than your 10 year story.
But this thread is about why they cheat, not so much why we stay with men that cheat..that may be a good thread for us ladies (and for men who stay). The answer is really in your question, which is rhetorical. We actually can't control a man who cheats...only he can. A lot of times too, it isn't a deal breaker. I'm like you - 10 years ago, hysterical...today? I WANT you to tell me because I don't want any STD's.
But I know deep down he won't tell me anyway if he's cheating so as to spare my feelings. But hey, I figure if I drum the "diseases" part enough, he'll know to cap it or I'll cap him.
Alinoa
New Member
I really don't see how one can be separated entirely from the other. Why I choose to stay with my husband was simple. We had children.
But even if we were solely focusing on why men cheat...it's one sided. Women cheat. Men stay with them. Men cheat. Women stay. It's not so simple as to
This is why.
Bliss
Well-Known Member
Don't worry, cheating women don't get a pass in this joint...
http://www.whitewomenblackmen.com/forum/showthread.php?t=17570&highlight=women+cheat
http://www.whitewomenblackmen.com/forum/showthread.php?t=18657&highlight=women+cheat
http://www.whitewomenblackmen.com/forum/showthread.php?t=17990&highlight=women+cheat
http://www.whitewomenblackmen.com/forum/showthread.php?t=18038&highlight=women+cheat
...to name a few.
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*BTW, You might find this interesting...down your alley.
http://www.whitewomenblackmen.com/forum/showthread.php?t=18653&highlight=women+cheat