Cheaters

Loki said:
JABL, in my opinion it really comes down to character, integrity and biology. We know that testosterone is the hormone that creates sex drive in men and women. The average man has somewhere between 20 to 70 times higher levels of testosterone than the average woman, http://www.abc.net.au/science/slab/testost/story.htm, some studies suggest it may be closer to 400 times as high.

Thus by nature's (or a higher power, if you are so inclined) design, on average men have a MUCH MUCH MUCH higher need, desire, craving for sex and risky behavior than the average woman. I don't think that many women really and truly understand this huge difference between the sexes. I once heard a comedian put it best, he said "all the ladies in the audience, close your eyes and think back to the moment in your life when you were most sexually aroused, just out of your mind with passion and pure carnal lust, capture that moment in your head....understand that is how the average man is when he is NOT EVEN THINKING about sex.

Now this is where character and integrity come in, in order to keep such high levels of testosterone in check, a man has to wage a constant battle to keep his thinking done in the brain and not the crotch. The average man gets between 3 to 5 erections IN HIS SLEEP, he does not even have to be fantasizing about sex, http://www.pamf.org/health/healthinfo/index.cfm?A=C&hwid=hw231151, that is how powerful testosterone is in the male body.

This is why I feel very strongly that it is much easier for a man (father, grandfather, family member, family friend) to relate to and guide a young man going through puberty and help him understand how to deal with all the hormones, and build character, integrity and understanding of how to deal with it, channel that energy to a more positive outlet, and conduct himself as a gentlemen when interacting with women.

Anyway, long winded explanation that it is not just as simple as sex with a penis feeling so good that men just can't help themselves. Hope this helped.
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Excellent post, Loki!
 
Do you think there is a context between passion and cheating in a relationship?
Do very passionate persons (of both genders) cheat earlier than others?​
 
christine dubois said:
Do you think there is a context between passion and cheating in a relationship?​



Do very passionate persons (of both genders) cheat earlier than others?​
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I don't believe passion has anything to do with cheating. I think the main reason people cheat is because a need of theirs isn't being met by their significant other. And cheating doesn't have to be the physical act, today emotional cheating is running rampant.

As for the serial cheaters (players and such), I think it has to do with their lack of respect for their partners and their inability to truly care for a person and how their actions will affect that person.

Strictly my opinion, of course.
 
it hurts because the person who was cheated on, starts thinking that she or he is not perfect..... It hurts because of a lack of selfconfidence.
 
It hurts because the cheated one feels to lose the ground under his feet, to have wasted his time. The self-confidence suffers, the jealousy rises. But these feelings are not real, it´s our own imagination, our own fears, which become real out of our own insecurity.


However, how much it hurts depends on the expectations which we have on the relationship and the partner. Everybody makes mistakes. A "side jump" hurts, but is in general not the end of the world. One should look at the relationship as a whole.
 
Nouharel said:
it hurts because the person who was cheated on, starts thinking that she or he is not perfect..... It hurts because of a lack of selfconfidence.
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Well, to be honest, I doubt that very many people are anywhere near close to perfect so maybe they shouldn't be thinking that anyway...

But I agree with you when it comes to self-confidence. I was cheated on by my last boyfriend, and since I have no self confidence or self esteem anyway, what he did really crushed me and left me thinking 'well, what did I do wrong??'
Especially since he kept saying 'it doesn't matter because I love YOU, that didn't mean a thing, I'll always be coming back to you!'
I ended it straight away obviously but it makes you think, how can someone that claims to love you hurt you so much? It's so selfish.

The one thing that I'm really angry at my ex for is the fact that his cheating makes me paranoid when it comes to my current relationship. My boyfriend is wonderful and even though I want to trust him completely, I can't because my ex has made it so difficult for me to trust people. So yeah, I'd say the worst thing is that they don't just ruin your relationship with them, but they jeapordise your relationship with other people.
 
fromrussiawithlove said:
The one thing that I'm really angry at my ex for is the fact that his cheating makes me paranoid when it comes to my current relationship. My boyfriend is wonderful and even though I want to trust him completely, I can't because my ex has made it so difficult for me to trust people. So yeah, I'd say the worst thing is that they don't just ruin your relationship with them, but they jeapordise your relationship with other people.
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Just as long as you allow your ex..

That some one is cheating on you will happen all of your life (maybe in different situations, maybe in different kinds of relationships)..But it is your decision, how you handle with it.
He was chaeting on you, he decided to go that way, he decided also not to talk with you about your relationship, it was his fault, not yours.

Feeling paranoid: understandable but not fair.. another person is sitting in front of you.
If somebody cheats on you, I cannot imagine that his intention was to hurt you. It just happened and has nothing to do with you. It was his desire, nothing else.

But as long as you are not able to make peace with him, he will have power over you, your relationships and your future.
 
christine dubois said:
Just as long as you allow your ex..

That some one is cheating on you will happen all of your life (maybe in different situations, maybe in different kinds of relationships)..But it is your decision, how you handle with it.
He was chaeting on you, he decided to go that way, he decided also not to talk with you about your relationship, it was his fault, not yours.

Feeling paranoid: understandable but not fair.. another person is sitting in front of you.
If somebody cheats on you, I cannot imagine that his intention was to hurt you. It just happened and has nothing to do with you. It was his desire, nothing else.

But as long as you are not able to make peace with him, he will have power over you, your relationships and your future.
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I don't think that's true.
I think that just because I was cheated on before doesn't mean that my current partner or my future partners will cheat on me, just because I'm more concerned about being cheated on than people who have never been in that position.

I don't think that my ex has any power over me either because I have absolutely no intention of ever becoming romantically involved with him again because now I feel nothing for him, not even anger or disappointment. But the past is still the past, and in the past I had someone who I cared about break my trust in a very big way. I agree with you that it's not fair to take it out on another partner, and I'm really trying not to do that, but it's not possible to just forget what happened with my ex and jump in with my heart open and trusting someone else 100%. I'm cautious, maybe overly so, but I'd rather be cautious than foolish in a situation like this.

As for not hurting me with the cheating...well, he might not have gone back to this girls' house thinking 'I better do this to really spite Kia for going to a university so far away!!' but surely he should have had the respect for me to not throw away our entire relationship for a sleazy one night stand. And telling me that it was nothing and he loved me and not a silly slag that he picked up in a club is just patronising. I seriously don't believe that you can cheat on someone who you love when you're in a coherent state of mind. The thought of hurting my boyfriend like that makes me physically sick. I have very little empathy towards cheaters.
 
Soulthinker said:
WLC,why this guy who once fancied you wanted to wind you up with escorts? Does he have a kick out of it?
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ST, it was my ex-husband (we were married for 5 years). I don't know why on Earth he would do that (he never admitted doing it) but a few options come to mind: 1) he was 'bored' with me after a few years of marriage 2) he wanted 'something new' 3) he was a sick freak who found it hard to break old habits.

I prefer to believe the 3rd is the most accurate description of him!!! LOL
 
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